waiting time

Ecclesiastes 3: 1 and 4: "Everything on earth has its own time....there is a time for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing."

i'm sad and scared while waiting... i wanna cry and weep really hard, send in the rain, lots of rain, lightning and thunderstorms too. i want the world around me to feel what i'm feeling now. this isn't a time for smiles to/from acquaintances, for small talks, for beginnings. this is a time for having someone you could hang on to, a familiar soul. to have and to hold a hand. to hear stories that are a lot worse than my current predicament. i wanna lie on the bathroom floor, and listen to the coldness of the walls. doing nothing, just lying still. knowing that this too shall pass, just like everything else in this life.

i know, someday, someday, the sun will shine again. and not just one, but a thousand splendid suns! but for now, i'll weep in every chance i could have. until i'm ready, i'll cry in movie scenes, in solitary walks, in the memories gathered in the corners of my mind, in the stories that are full of melancholy, of hope, and of life. i'll moan and complain to every known soul i'm going to meet. i'll make them care because in each one's life, some rain must fall and everything on earth has its own time, this is my time and others surely would have their turns too.

it's official, i need somebody now. not just any other friend... but someone who could transport me back to the time of warmth and simplicity, and to the future that is of peaceful and dreamy existence knowing that i have been through it all, including this one...