just got inspired.

i promised to blog so i'm gonna take a slice of my thoughts and put it out, letting it burn in the scourging heat of summer.

the past two weeks were not easy. the hot, windless days and nights of osaka added more to the agony. i am talking about heat that goes as high as 40 degrees, that is way even higher than the body temperature. i live in a residential area where some residents would splash water on their small (if one can still call it a yard) yard. every time i witness them doing that, i am tempted to ask them to also spray some on me, not minding the consequences of getting wet. yes, cold water! i just want to go dive into a pool of cool waters. with clothes on, shoes, belts and socks and let go of my worries and thoughts for a while. you see, sometimes we need a splash of something cold every now and then.

in my age, i think that i am finished with a career that i so painstakingly planned to build. ayaw kong magsalita ng tapos because i might just end up eating my own words, but i do believe in the little voice within that says enough and that i need to take a break from all that is happening and to focus on the other side of life (what about one's divinity? to go live in india for a while? soul-searching in the mysticism of old europe?). they say that in this modern and fast-paced life, career is like the new religion that could drive the players who are in it to act like robots oblivious to other people's feelings. i have this feeling that if i continue down in this road, say for another five years, i'll end up half-dead like a zombie, or someone who is out of touch with the things that truly matter in life. i would rather go volunteering to afghanistan than end up like that.

my job is unbelievably easy. if you think of how better paid i am now compared to what i used to earn years ago, you'll think that i am lucky. i really can't complain since this is just what i also need. i won't ask for anything else because i really don't want any more stress that usually comes with work. i am just "serving my time" here. but i think the best part is that i am still getting good credits, i could add up my current work in my resume and that would still look good. among other things, i am still passionate with the science of 0's and 1's. (thanks to a mentor in college who is like a radiating piece of uranium affecting everyone in her class, me not exempted!) but not like this, where i am relegated to work that doesn't involve human interaction and not being able to use my maximum potential as a person. i refuse to accept that this is what my life is all about. technically, i am more challenged when i get to do stuffs that could stir up my mind and curiosity to the point of passing out. ironic, but that would make me feel alive! heaven knows how much i miss that!

these are just a few of my thoughts when i jog in my neighborhood, going around that impressive bridge minutes away from my place. while my mind is so busy with thoughts, the world around me is being enveloped with silence. i have noticed how different japan really is from the world i'm used to. the world here is so still and silent at night. there is not even a sound of people talking, babies crying, dogs barking, or anything that reminds you that there are people living nearby in those tall and wide apartment buildings. to think this is a city of almost 3 million people. (oh, i am just lucky to live in a residential part of the city!) i could only hear the sound of a few cars passing and of my own running. it's eerie even though it's properly lighted with the lampposts right next to the river banks similar to the ones in cebu city installed for the ASEAN summit which by the way has turned into a huge scandal of graft and corruption. not being able to withstand the silence of the place and how my thoughts are going with the things that i saw last night, i switched on my ipod and gave in to the solace that music and contemplation bring.

when can i begin living life as i want it to be? there is really nothing to complain about and to be honest, to think this way is a luxury to a working middle class like me. images of poverty and hopelessness back home come to my mind. it's a little pathetic that i regularly watch documentary and news programs that feature grim and harsh realities rather than indulge in shows full of beautiful people, beautiful places, hot bodies. call it insecurity or what but instead of these programs i'll rather watch TV patrol every single night. this is simply because it makes me feel better and more informed and grounded. i will always remain as a filipino who feels that he has to do something for his people. no matter how hopeless it is, at least i'm gonna try.

it is just a matter of time. 'til then, i'll continue jogging and do things that make me happy, eating healthy food, and making that extra effort to have worthwhile human relationships in my stay here. sometimes i get lucky to have met people on this journey. meeting people is easy, but meeting "worthwhile" people is another thing, if not very rare. with these kind of people, i'm gonna cherish all the things that we shared and used to do. every email is sealed and locked. i would let them define my life in japan.

here is one email that surely won't get trashed. there is so much that we don't know, that we just assumed to be the absolute truth that we get surprised when another person gives us a his/her perspective. a person is never really alone in this world.

"In the Philippines where you came from, I presume that life is lived in a much relaxed way and people there can enjoy rich human relationship. Where I was growing up in the rural area in Kagawa Prefecture, life was more like that -- your neighbors, relatives and friends were always trying to get involved in your life. In Osaka, however, you have to make an extra effort to develop some sort of human relationships that matter. It is hard, even for Japanese, but I think you are doing just fine and trying to adopt to the life in Japan. You are such a sweet-natured (and good-looking) young man you deserve meaningful human relationships in Japan that will last for a long time. I wish you the best."