autumn is coming!

it was raining hard outside as i went out to buy some food. i thought that it was just perfect since the rain usually signals a change in season, and just perfect for someone after giving another person the power to hurt him big time. strawberry fields forever!

Elvis

I should move to Canada. An acquaintance told me that I look like Elvis Presley, the younger version that is. He even thought that I came from Tennessee, USA. I laughed all the way, thanking him profusely for the compliment. This is not the first time somebody from Canada told me this. Hmmm.... I should move to Canada. Hahah. (no violent reactions please...)

To Be Civil About It

As you travel through, there will be people whom you just don't want to be in the journey ever again. These are the people who think differently but won't listen, insensitive, stubborn and close-minded. They have a certain way of shutting you down. They make you question your self-worth for nothing, not even offering something constructive.

Of course, they may not be really bad and they could even succeed in defending themselves (again, by shutting you down with your argument, get it?), but there is just something in them that is irritating and makes you want to scream at them to change or else get out of your sight.

Having one around you makes you appreciate even more the people who are part of your crowd(you know, those people who make you feel good, who make you grow, who treat you the right way, and most importantly, who bring out the best in you). To hell with it, let your feelings show. One doesn't have to be friends with everyone ain't it? To be civil is enough.

20080303

I will remember 03/03/2008.

Today, my contract with my current employer was finally decided to end this month. One milestone in my career and I am proud of myself for once again taking the risk of initiating this healthy change in my life. The ball now lies in the hand of my agent, whether or not he can get a better working condition for me.

Today, I am worry-free to do what I have been planning to undertake before I reach 30. At least I can just leave everything behind and reenergize my career once again.

Today, I met one of my best buddies here in Osaka. It has been a long time. But I think nothing has changed. After all the years, decisions made, and losses and gains, he is still the same and I am still the same. We are still the same souls. Shiera, Kay and Rose joined us. Para lang nasa Cebu.

I will remember this day.

Inspire T3100

Kampai to jobs that pay the rent!

I got this from a group of friends who were disappointed with their jobs but had to survive in the city of New York.

I found myself in the same situation albeit not in the Big Apple where i so dearly dream of going, but in another city that is also bursting with more than 2 million people rushing to work and to their routine lives (so it seems, this is just an observation or at least this is the way my mind wants me to think). Countless times, I have been on the verge of giving up, forgetting that I am one of those "lucky people" who earn a living by just sitting in front of a computer screen in a comfortable office and working on something related to my major in college. I know that some people go through hell just to earn a living. Insatiable and reklamador, I'm guilty as charged.

Refusing to dwell on negativity and mediocrity, I looked for inspiration. As they say, if you can't find it in one place, try somewhere else. So I went to Denden (Electronics) Town here and stumbled upon a superb speaker called "Inspire" (hahah! what a coincidence!) by Creative. A few hours and a few thousand yen later, I found myself sitting in my apartment and listening to the best sound I've ever heard in a room. Mission accomplished. Mood level stabilized.

everything is illuminated

this is one of those rare moments in this continuing journey of self-discovery that i see everything perfectly, everything seems to be illuminated.

it would be hard to put into words and to describe this feeling but i would try for the sake of putting it into record. this moment is like being inspired by a small movie after watching its unexpected ending. you were so inspired that you keep on talking about it for a long time for it made you feel good of being alive. it is like being vindicated of your past decisions and saying to yourself that you were right from the very beginning. it is like finding the purpose of your existence in a certain place and time. it is like when you realized you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

it took years for me to finally know how to deal with all these things that were made heavier and more difficult by being far away from home, far from my comfort zones. it was mainly due to a simple matter of having the right objectives and reasons but for the wrong destination. (yeah! a mismatch! hahay...) but who was i to know, i could have never known it then, no matter how many people i would ask for advice, i still would have made the same decision. but as i continue walking on with this life, and picking up some lessons in each road, i know i would still find a way to be happy and a reason to smile. (oh, it feels good to be dreaming again! bring out the party! :D )

25 thoughts @ 25

OK, this is quite a challenge. 25 is a huge number for thoughts?!! Anyways, I am doing this for the fun of reading this post on my 30th birthday. So here they go, in random order.

No matter how much I wanted to make something or someone stay with me forever, it just could not be. I have to let people and things go, that's just the way it is in this world. All I could ever do is to try to stay in touch and reminisce the fun and the moments that I had with them.

Life goes on. Whatever the circumstances may be, life just goes on. So I better go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

The relationships that I have made with the people around me is the only thing that matters. What good would my achievements/successes be if I do not have any effect in the world around me?

I must do or at least try the thing that makes me happy. A teacher of mine once told me that as long as my heart is into it, I am on the right track. It all boils down to where my heart is.

To learn and relearn. Ironic as it is, just when I have thought that I have already matured and had enough, life would then just throw something at me that shakes up whatever I have held as true. Do not underestimate the universe. Be humble as always.

Thoughts become things. I got this from a book I received from a good friend.

Magic, miracles or whatever you call it, happens from time to time. Pay attention to the things in daily life.

(oh?! 17 more to go... I am running out of entries to add to this list. I need a few more moments of introspection. Hahah)

bouncing back

Snoopy said this: "What do you do when the girl you love more than anything else is taken away from you and you know you're never going to see her again for as long as you live?? What do you do??" Snoopy immediately answers himself: "Back to eating!"

I wish I have that appetite for food(Japan made me eat less!) so that I could say the same when two of my best friends would finally be out of Osaka. But, I'll be fine and I have made this list of things that I can possibly do to cope up with whatever emotions that normally go with this kind of changes.

1. study nihongo and get certified (i'm still aiming for something pips!)
2. finish reading the books that have been piling up near my bed
3. poke these two friends everyday in Facebook
4. flood their mailboxes with trashy messages
5. make plans for the next 2-3 years
6. live each day with what/whoever i have to cling to (consciously, of course)
7. blog (oh yeah!)

Any other suggestions? :)

Hopefully, the moment i'm gonna meet them again, I'll be a better person inside and out, and everything will be just (if not better) like it was here in Osaka.

rubik's cube

thanks to Los, i am nearly there! :D

a little discovery

no pressure over a cup of starbucks. i deserve a break.

the Festival Outside

At the moment, the 2007 Tenjin Festival is unfolding just outside my office but here I am stuck inside full of things to work on. I could hear the sound of fireworks, the whistles, drums, people screaming, and all the festive energy! Unluckily, I couldn't see the fireworks and the boats carrying all those interesting Japanese! Grrr!!

Last year was so much better.

what happened to u?

In the "Wishin' and Hopin'" Episode of Grey's Anatomy, Ellis who is also a surgeon blurted this out to her daughter Meredith.

ELLIS: "What happened to you?"
MEREDITH: "What do you mean?"
ELLIS: "You're happy? You're happy now? The Meredith I knew was a force of nature. Passionate, focused, a fighter. What happened to you? You've gone soft! Stammering about a boyfriend and saying you're waiting to be inspired. You're waiting for inspiration? Are you kidding me?! I have a disease for which there is no cure, I think that would be inspiration enough! Listen to me, Meredith. Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy! But not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you are no more than... ordinary! What happened to you?!"

Poor Meredith! Nobody in my family would ever say this kind of thing to me. But what if somebody would? Maybe a teacher back in college who has all my respect and admiration, a dear friend who's always self-driven and focused on her career, or a senior colleague who believes and trusts in my abilities and potential, or worst, an old-self who was a competitive fighter full of ideals but somehow got pushed aside at one point after graduating from the university ... waahh! scary! (I had actually entertained the thought of writing a letter to an old-self apologizing for what I have become! hahah! :D don't worry guys, this was only for a very short period of time... all is well! :D )

However, I agree with the thought that inspiration is for amateurs, and that those who are PRO just have to do their job with the best possible way they can. Sometimes I could see myself as a PRO, but there were times that I dwelt at something else and waited for inspiration and for the right moment to come in. But as time goes on, I have learned. I've learned that waiting and waiting and waiting rarely yields any great results. And besides, I have become tired of waiting itself that I've decided (and am trying hard to uphold this decision like a true grown-up would) that I'll just do my best, continue with the work and feel like a pro.

Amen! :)

myspace

lately, i have come to like my small but clean living space here in Osaka so much that I keep on imagining all the comforts that it could offer.... the thought of my bed, the books beside it, the colors, the music, the airconditioning and the lights carries me away from the pressures of my project and the negative probabilities of its outcome. this kind of daydreaming keeps me working, moves me into action and makes me accept the temporariness of things around me knowing that within a few more hours i'll come home to a place that i've created.

but it's a little ironic though, 'coz tonight i'm going to ask my boss to look for another place. i want something grand, something with a view outside. (hahah... dream on Roms! uhmmm, a mansion in Namba Parks where every one of my neighbors will be rich! hahah)

ok, back to reality, i'll stay in that little crib for a while. honestly i could still stay there for a very long time and be OK with it. a visit from a good friend could make the whole thing perfect anyway, so enough with complaining. (oh come on! forget the damn view outside! :D one cannot enjoy it because of the rain ... :D )